My name is Ali, and this is the most I have weighed in my entire life. People think that I have high self-esteem and have nothing to be insecure about because I am thin, but that is not true; not at ALL.
Growing up, I was always tall. I was always the tallest in the class, yet I weighed less than all of my friends. I had braces, glasses, and frizzy red hair. I was extremely awkward. I always felt like a giraffe in a herd of gazelles. When I got undressed and dressed for PE in the locker rooms, people would stare at me. They’d ask if I had an eating disorder, or would flat out call me anorexic, and that hurt. People even counted my ribs. Everyone seems to think that skinny is good; that skinny is the ideal; that skinny people have nothing to complain about, but that is not true. All I ever wanted was to be healthy. I was tired of getting hurt every time someone circled my waist, wrist, or arm to see how small it was. Nobody realized that what they were doing could hurt me, because nobody realized that thin people have body image issues too.
I have a lot of health problems, which is why I weigh so little. I have several immune deficiencies and pain disorders, as well as a condition where my body does not absorb vitamins on its own. To learn more, you can read my story on my blog (aliewa.tumblr.com). I am also a gymnast, so I do a lot of conditioning. It hurts when people stare everywhere you go. It hurts when people compare you to a skeleton. It hurts when clothes don’t fit you right because you can’t fill them out. All I ever wanted was to be healthy, but my own body had taken me prisoner. I didn’t like my legs because they were so thin, I didn’t like my broad shoulders, I learned to hate my hands because people always called them skeletal and weird, and I learned to not like my stomach and butt because they actually looked semi-normal and didn’t match the rest of me.
Right now, I weigh about 113 pounds. My weight fluctuates between 110 and 115 pounds, so tomorrow I may not weight the same as I do today. I have come to accept myself and carry myself with confidence. I still look in the mirror and see things that I don’t like, but I know that I have gotten through so much to get to where I am today, and I am proud of myself. Whenever I catch myself comparing body to somebody else’s I make myself stop and think about the things that I like about myself. I like my stomach because it is toned. I likemy legs because they are long. I like my arms because they are graceful. Ilike my hands because they allow me to play the piano so well. I like my big butt, and I like my balletic shoulders. I don’t always love my body all the time, but I have learned to accept what I can’t change and change what I can’t accept, and that makes me feel beautiful.
So yeah, maybe I am thin and underweight. Maybe I’m not as curvy and filled out as other girls my age, and maybe I am really awkward, but those are all of the things that make me who I am, and I can’t change them. I have learned to love and accept who I am, regardless of what anyone says, and that is the greatest lesson I have ever learned.